Combating the Disease to Please

I bought a book titled "101 Ways to Love Your Job" written by Stephanie Goddard Davidson. This very little pocketbook contains powerful tips that will turn your every work day a "great work day!" I personally enjoyed reading it and I learned a lot, from personal mastery to mastering people skills in the workplace. But if there is a topic that I would really like to share with you, it will be all about the author's "Special Section for Chronic People Pleasers."

Disease to please... this is as common as common cold in any working environment, and I bet that if you are also a teacher or office personnel, you probably have two or more fellow afflicted with this very dangerous disease. Or perhaps, you aren't just aware of it, you are also a carrier of this disease to please virus. What is this disease all about? What are its symptoms? How can we prevent or cure this?

What is the Disease to Please? 

According to the author, this disease is a condition where we try to fix other people's problems, make them feel better, let them use us as a free therapist, and generally consider their needs over our own. Once a person is afflicted by this disease, he can still cure it, through saying "no" politely, without hurting the current relationship, one can get away with this condition. The following are the two reasons why people usually fall into the trap of acquiring this disease:

• We continue to accept the role of being the office therapist or family fixer
• We always feel responsible for every pain that we encounter

Common Symptoms

First symptom: When most of your office mates or fellow teachers are always seeking your advice and asking them to help you out, as if it is part of your job description. Of course, helping is a good deed, but if you think that you're overdoing it at the expense of your own happiness in the workplace, then consider my diagnosis, you are starting to become a people pleaser. 

Second symptom: If you are willing to waste so much time for doing something just to let your fellow know how great you are as a friend/co-worker, and you started to buy the idea that you are the superhero of your workplace, and you seem to enjoy every time you hear those shallow flatters, then you're in danger my friend. You are afflicted with the disease to please.

How to Combat the Disease to Please

The good news is that this disease can be stopped. It can be stopped, not by any medicine, but by YOU! If you feel that the theme of pleasing other people at the expense of your own happiness is always recurring and starting to affect your work and personal life seriously, it's time to take some initiatives in eliminating this disease. The author suggested the following:

1. Do not show your worry or concern every time someone approach you for advice or help.
2. Turn the tables. Instead of showing your sympathy and immediately suggesting something that you can do to help him, tell him how confident you are that he can work it out by himself.
3. Ask him what he already did to solve his problem.
4. Post the following quotes in an area in your workplace, wherein you can always see them often. Always review those you like best:
• "Naturalness is the easiest thing in the world to acquire, if you will forget yourself-forget about the impression you are trying to make." ~ Dale Carnegie
• "The people who seek all the applause from their outside has their happiness from another keeping." ~ Claudius Claudianus
• "He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away." ~ Raymond Hull
• "Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live." ~ Johann Woflgang von Goethe
• "People who want approval get the least, and people who need approval the least, get the most." ~ Wayne Dyer
• "Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you can too become great." ~ Mark Twain